giving someone the silent treatment speaks volumes about your character
Now, you see that the silent treatment has more presence in your life than you might have thought. The silent treatment, dubbed the “demand-withdrawal method” by researchers, is a passive-aggressive, manipulative behavior that puts the person using it in control of the situation. According to the statistics, 95% of those who use emotional abuse may end up physically abusing their partners. You may wonder how that’s possible. I will follow you around.”. It is one of the joys of existence. – Robert Hazlett “You don’t know what that person’s thinking; you don’t know if they’re going to leave, and you don’t know what their next move is,” George-Sturges said. Mind that silence kills the romance. That just causes the problem to escalate and become an even bigger issue than it started out to be. In much of the research, Schrodt says, the man tends to be more silent; but psychologist Les Parrott of Seattle says he has seen less of a breakdown along gender lines. Narcissists typically think pretty highly of themselves, and don’t think they need therapy. If you're suffering in silence — or because of it — your relationship may be more endangered than you realize, according to new research that shows those whose interactions include the "silent treatment" can spell ruin for the future. If you are in a close relationship with this person, and the silent treatment is part of a dysfunctional emotional life that you suffer through, consider therapy. By submitting this form, you are granting: Gordon Training International, 531 Stevens Avenue West, Solana Beach, California, 92075, United States, permission to email you. Email: -- Mutually agree to take a timeout. We’ve already mentioned it, but let’s go a little bit further, talking about the effect that avoiding the confrontation can have on your relationship. That’s what makes a relationship special,” George-Sturges said. This is a Seminal Event in The Life of the Company. Now let’s figure out how to react to the silent treatment. Even if you don’t experience physical abuse from your partner, you are already in a dysfunctional relationship. In order to help to create a positive climate within a relationship, anyone should try and refrain from using the “silent treatment”. Maybe they are afraid of losing you. If you think that your relationship can be saved, you should consider further steps. Definitely, it is extremely hard to come up with some definite answer. The Scale of the Deal Speaks Volumes. If you can’t talk then you can’t apologize. Gordon Training has 4 LinkedIn accounts. © 2016. Mind that any attempts to show you that your feeling and arguments worth nothing are already an emotional abuse. But when you are in a romantic relationship, giving someone, in this case, your partner, the silent treatment speaks volumes about your character. When you are participating in giving someone the “silent treatment” you are creating a negative climate within a relationship, and that is why you might feel hurt when this occurs. Silence can mean many things in interpersonal relationships. Silence is true wisdom’s best reply. But that’s not the reason to underestimate it. Are you afraid of losing your partner? Please choose the account that's best for you. “When you stop communicating, then what else are you doing? They may start rejecting going to social events with you. It may range from just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behaviour.It may be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence. If he won’t go, you should consider going by yourself. It is essential that the silence be experienced as accepting; people pick up on judgments and evaluation (negative or positive) even when they’re communicated silently. Silent treatment is the refusal to communicate verbally with someone who is willing to communicate. When it comes to using it after the breakup, then the silent treatment should last until you both feel that you can talk to each other normally without causing pain. If silent treatment has already led to a dysfunctional relationship or if your partner has turned out to be a narcissist, you should consider ending up your relationship. You do it with colleagues, you do it with your friends, and, quite possibly, you do it with your partner. Otherwise, let him know that your find his behavior immature or toxic or desperate, and that you aren’t going to engage when he behaves this way. © 2020 The Washtenaw Voice. Although researchers say the cold shoulder is the most common way people deal with marital conflict, an analysis of 74 studies, based on more than 14,000 participants, shows that when one partner withdraws in silence or shuts down emotionally because of perceived demands by the other, the harm is both emotional and physical. In yoga, there are even special practices when a person keeps silent from 10 to 21 days. That doesn’t sound that okay, as "just having some alone time," right? Unless you want your relationship to end up with a breakup. “A relationship is the secrets you share with somebody. Sometimes partners need to take time out from a relationship, to cool off and figure out what they need. -- Genuinely apologize as soon as you are able. The Silent Treatment Speaks Volumes by Nancy Travers | Jan 12, 2016 | Anxiety and Emotions , Communication , Counseling Articles , Relationships | 0 comments People who invoke the silent treatment to punish you, control you or otherwise … Free and Funny Breakup Ecard: Giving someone the "Silent Treatment" speaks volumes about your character :-( Create and send your own custom Breakup ecard. You’ve been probably wondering why your partner is giving you the silent treatment. It can be avoiding participation in any meaningful dialogue, becoming emotionally detached, distancing yourself from the partner. I don’t feel we can have a positive, adult relationship under these circumstances. What can you do if you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment? You can say something like, “I love you, and I want to have a good relationship with you, but when you give me the silent treatment, it is difficult for me. Partners giving each other a cooling-off period before confronting an issue may be one of the best options. For example, police interrogators will enter the room, sit down, and say nothing. The answer may be simpler than you think. ", -- Avoid character assassination. “As a child, to me, it was torturous.” She cites this as one of the reasons she’s so against it today. We all need some alone time, right? “It’s a learned behavior,” George-Sturges said. Parrott, co-author of The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring you Closer, a book published in April, says the silent treatment is a very difficult pattern to break because it's such an ingrained behavior. The silent treatment speaks volumes about a relationship. A far better approach is to be willing and able to talk to them honestly about how you feel and why–without blame. It's that pattern, Schrodt says, that is so damaging, because it signals a serious sign of distress in the relationship. “That seems like a lot of work,” Bradley said. It can express lots of different emotions ranging from joy, happiness, grief, embarrassment to anger, denial, fear, withdrawal of acceptance or love. ... -- Avoid character assassination. A disconnect in communication can spell disaster for a relationship. You also forget what needed to be resolved. You both have the time to calm down and figure out whether your conflict worth sacrificing your relationship. That’s the first question that you need to ask yourself, before wondering how long it should last. Discuss it with your partner. But it must be done productively. "We learn this strategy very early on — just as little kids — to shut somebody out as a way to punish," Parrott says. A most common question about the silent treatment sounds like, "Is the silent treatment in a relationship emotional abuse?" When you realize that an open confrontation can be a threat to the workflow, probably it is better to avoid it. "Both partners see the other as the problem.". Maybe you should give your partner a silent treatment too, then. “If you tell this person, ‘Look, let’s not talk for a couple days; I need to clear my head,’ that’s not the silent treatment.” George-Sturges said. Let’s be honest, a caring partner won’t make you feel guilty groundless. Please choose the account that's best for you. Giving someone the silent treatment can cause that person physical pain. Sever the relationship. “My mother used the silent treatment a lot,” George-Sturges said. When it comes to silent treatment in work, it can be quite okay. It can also manifest physically due to the effects that being ostracized has on the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain, which detects pain. Instead of giving them the silent treatment or lashing out at them, a better alternative would be to say:  “I’m so hurt that you didn’t remember our anniversary.”  Or that your boss didn’t give you a promotion you thought was a “done deal”. When the drum is silent, reason sometimes speaks. It will do more damage to label your spouse as "selfish" or "rude. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger. In order to give you an insight into what the silent treatment is, we offer you to check out the shocking facts about it and the psychological effects that it may have on you. Enter your email below to receive effective, research-based parenting tips each month. Now, considering the fact that a romantic relationship is about trust and communication, you realize that the silent treatment is very wrong.


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